It was Molly’s 49 Day Ceremony a few weeks ago. This is a Buddhist ritual of people gathering together to help the person who has died with the final letting go of this life.
It didn’t feel like 49 days had past since she died. She's still very present in my life. And time is a strange concept. When I stopped teaching, in January, time felt like summers did when I was a child: endless, slow, calm. When I could do anything I wanted, no schedule, no demands. Now I have become used to time being unscheduled, for the most part, and it is going by much faster, much too fast.
Every time I think of Molly’s funeral, I wonder what food and drink I would want put out at my own funeral. That’s another Buddhist tradition, to give the departed body nourishment and pleasure on its way beyond this life. I don’t know what I would want. The foods I love the most and the foods I eat the most don’t always coincide. I love dark chocolate on a piece of fresh French bread with sweet butter. I love beer. I love most foods. But I am careful about what I eat. I need to be because I like to feel good. So I suppose a big plate of black Russian kale would do.
Then too, what would I want people to say about me. I can’t really think about that. I’m alive now. And I don’t think much anymore about what people say about me. I used to care much more. I’m not really obsessing about death. It’s inevitable, we all know that, more or less, even if we don’t know it. But I’m thinking about it more now because it seems my 102 year old aunt is failing fast and we all hope she passes on soon. She’s been pretty sassy, right up till now when she is bed-ridden and mute from a stroke. When she dies (if she were Buddhist) she would get a plate of clams on the half shell and some good wine. And people will definitely recall her piss and vinegar personality with amusement. It seems as if she gives us, her nieces and nephews, hope for a sturdy old age. But sometimes it does go on too long. She has said just that for the last year. So I wish her well on her journey. And hope it’s soon.