Facing the Moment of Truth

Tamar now has an essay up on the Autism Speaks website. Please do take a look. It’s about the initial diagnosis for my grandson, Damian. Her writing is so very beautiful, as is the tenderness and courage of the situation. I can’t help but read it with tears in my heart. Damian has done so well, is a delightful, sassy (as she says) eight year old, still struggling but mainly actively engaged in growing and becoming.

The main reason for my recent visit to Tamar’s (the end of May) was to go to Washington for a consultation with Serena Weider, the co-author of The Child with Special Needs, the book Tamar and Dan have used as their main reference for working with Damian’s autism. Serena Weider is an amazing person. I am so glad to have met her. She immediately saw Damian as he is now (with an understanding of how he got there and from where) and what he needs to work on next. All four of us went into her office for an hour. She talked to Damian and then played with Damian and Dan to exemplify what she meant. After that she talked alone to Tamar and Dan while Damian and I went out to her beautiful garden and walked around in the warm sun.

Later they told me she talked about developing his logical thinking so that he would have less fears and feel more comfortable engaging with others. In play, this could be done by asking him for reasons he chooses his moves, what outcome he plans to have, what the scenarios mean. And also giving him more responsibilities around the house with appropriate rewards. In just one month, I can see a big change in his thinking. Usually he doesn’t want to talk to me on the phone. It’s been uncomfortable for him. Last week I spoke to him on the phone. He told me: “I am riding my scooter in the house because it is raining outside and it is okay because the scooter has rubber wheels and won’t hurt the floor.” And his annunciation was very clear and strong. That’s a big leap from the two year old who couldn’t talk at all and spent hours obsessively running his Brio train back and forth. I am so proud of them, Tamar, Dan and Damian, for all the hard work they have done and are doing, and for all the wonderful progress in bringing Damian into a rich life with them.