The other morning on Sounds Like Canada (CBC radio, of course), they played a rerun of an interview by Sheilagh Rogers with two (very outgoing, lively) writers. The topic was exuberance. On (yet another) grey morning, my first impulse was to turn it off. But I didn’t. And also didn’t find it as irritating as I had the first time I had heard it. And then the sun came out—and lasted all afternoon.
And along with the sun came an old friend I hadn’t seen in four years. And coincidentally a friend who is the most exuberant person I know. Sitting by the lake talking after a long swim, conversation turned to confidence. It surprised me to learn that such an exuberant person has some doubts, insecurities. Hers were more about her artwork. I have few doubts about my paintings. Even if I have some difficult periods, I know, always, that it will come together at some point. Usually it does. I can remember only one time when I thought I would quit painting. A friend had come into my studio and said it reminded him of his mother’s studio. I don’t know why, but it hit a chord that snapped and I said: “That’s it. I’m not painting any more.” But that didn’t last long. Two weeks later, I did start again, with a new way of working, and I haven’t taken a break (emotionally) since.
I’m not an outwardly exuberant person. But I do have intense passionate relationships with people and things that I love. My insecurities are about other things than my artwork. I’m working on that. It’s never too late! I do think that it is important to have confidence in what you do, especially as an artist. It would be too difficult without it. It’s what drives the engine.
Posted by leya at July 23, 2005 02:25 PM