I finished The Flanders Panel, Arturo Perez-Reverte’s first best-selling novel, on the plane to Montreal (I had to return the book to it’s rightful owner, Jessica). It is advertised as an “intriguing multilayered thriller.” With its convoluted plot, played out from the chess board of a painting to the chess board of the players in their lives, Perez-Reverte moves deeply into the personalities of the pieces of the story.
Was she really afraid? In other circumstances, the question would have been a good topic for academic discussion, in the pleasant company of friends, in a warm, comfortable room, in front of a fire, with a bottle of wine. Fear as the unexpected factor, fear as the sudden, shattering discovery of a reality which, though only revealed at that precise moment, has always been there. Fear as the crushing end to ignorance or as the disruption of a state of grace. Fear as sin………………………………..But this new fear, which Julia had only just discovered, was different. New, unfamiliar, unknown until now, touched by the shadow of Evil with a capital E, the initial letter of everything that lies at the root of suffering and pain…………The Evil that can only be painted in the dark colours of black night, black shadows and black solitude. Evil with a capital E, Fear with a capital F.
I’ve never been attracted to mystery as a genre, but I do enjoy Perez-Reverte’s writing enough to have read three of his novels, all three centering on mystery. His stories are intriguing, enlightening, his people complex, interesting. In The Nautical Compass he drew the most beautiful portrait of male sexuality/lust I have ever read. There is an elegance to his writing that makes me hunger for more.
Without a doubt fear is a crippling emotion, as is hope. Here Julia is feeling fear from “Murder with a capital M.” My friend John in Montreal asked me about loneliness, what it means to me. I told him it is hope that makes it a problem, Hope with a capital H. Hoping that things will be different, hoping that I won’t be lonely, hoping that “something” is just around the corner (which corner?). It’s that simple? he said, and smiled.
One of the slogans of Atisha is Give up all possibilities of fruition. That’s a tough one. The paralysis of fear is more commonly recognized. The paralysis of hope can be just as crippling. I remember a time when I started almost every sentence with “I wish……..” Or, “if only…….” So, coming home to a quiet house, “I hope” I continue to be here, really be here, Be here with a capital B (until I go away again!).