There has been a lot of talk on CBC radio lately about spanking children. The Supreme Court has ruled that it is okay to exert reasonable physical force when disciplining children, but not before age two or after twelve. This is very upsetting news, to legalize spanking. Although putting a parent in jail for spanking is also questionable. And how is “reasonable force” defined? Who defines it?”
How can it be justified to hit a person smaller and indefensible? And vulnerable. Let’s not forget the vulnerability of being small, young, tender. These assaults leave scars that are deep, fester and mutate. Granted children can be unreasonable, hard to discipline, but there has to be a better way.
And while we are at it, perhaps we can examine the scars left on children by verbal assaults: sarcasm, belittling, betraying, teasing. “Oh, I was just teasing darling. I really am not going to leave you stranded in the middle of the highway just because you won’t stop screaming for the toy you left at home.” Would a two or three year old really understand the complexity of adult frustrations? Or "You want to run away? I'll help you pack your bags" instead of asking what makes the child so unhappy. How can an adult expect respect from a child if the adult does not respect the child's intelligence? (As you can see, I am pretty wound up about this topic of spanking children!)
So what makes a good parent anyway? I’m not sure, being a fallible parent myself. I know that we do make mistakes, some that hurt very deeply. I am exceedingly grateful to my father who, at his 90th birthday party, apologized, in his dignified way, for doing things that hurt. “We just didn’t know any better.” And that’s the truth. We don’t usually know better when we hurt children. But an apology goes a long way. As does kindness. And talking about what hurts.
Posted by leya at February 3, 2004 07:46 AM