writing again

“You’re in a good mood.”

“Mm.”

“Is it because you wrote today?”

“Mmm-hmm.”

It’s been three months (more?) since I wrote on my novel. Oh, I haven’t abandoned writing altogether: I wrote a short story, worked on a large nonfiction project and a small one and reread and tweaked my novel, to boot. But none of it is the same as writing forward on an extended dream of a scenario. I need that. I’m not complete without it.

I know a lot of people in the arts who feel the same way. They need that part of their brain engaged, working on something, creating. Is it like that for other people too? For lawyers and doctors and scientists and accountants and bookstore owners and other people who work at something they may care about deeply but that aren’t considered creative in the same way. If that's you, do you lust for your work when you’re not doing it? Do you dream about it at night, think about it in the shower, does part of your brain wake up when you’re finally doing it again? Does it feel then like you’ve been half asleep for the past few months? Or, if not, do you have something else that makes you feel this way? I find myself wondering if this state is a peculiarity of the artistic temperament or if it’s more universal.

The one thing I do know: I’m happy to be back writing again. Even if half of what I wrote today was crap. That’s what the delete key is for. The act of writing, that made me happy. And a few good sentences, fresh turns of phrase, poignant moments, unexpected emotions. That’s why I write. To experience the story unfolding within and without me. To move forward even when it’s two steps forward, one step back. The way the thoughts transmute into what comes out of my fingertips. The intangible made tangible. I’m not complete without it.

Posted by Tamar at June 9, 2004 10:39 PM