momness

Stealth Punch has been thinking about parenthood lately and so therefore has naturally started to read mom blogs. Really, blogs are like these flashlights into the dark recesses of alternate lives, different choices, what an amazing resource that can be. But she has therefore – unsurprisingly – become very, very scared. Because when you’re a parent, you bitch. And yes, there’s a lot to bitch about. And yes, it’s a humongous even-if-you-know-you-don’t-know-till-it-hits life change. And yes, I sometimes remember the days BC (before child) with a kind of awe that I had so little responsibility.

But you know what? They’re with you in your house, eating your food, for a mere eighteen years and they get more independent with every year and that’s even besides the point because the real point is how it feels when your baby smiles at you for the first time and you know he means it, when you’re driving one day and you hand something to the back and this tiny hand reaches forward and removes it from your grip and you think “he did that!”, when he – much later – tucks his hand in yours to cross the street, trusting in you to look out for him, when he comes to find you to show you something amazingly brilliant that’s so him, when he yells at you using such grownup words and stomps off and you no longer have to suppress the giggle rising in your throat because dammit, that hissy fit was just so cute.

The pleasures of parenting are hard to quantify sometimes but it’s very much like living with a lover or spouse. He or she can be a pain in the butt sometimes, just so horribly dense, how could you ever have thought you loved this person? But then other times it’s just right, you fit together so beautifully and you can’t imagine ever not having this in your life. It’s like that. I can’t imagine my life without Damian. Has my parenting role made my life harder? Of course it has. More than I ever could have imagined. Would I trade it for all the extra time and peace of mind I had seven years ago? Hell no.